Not My Favorite Post

Well, here we are again at 2 a.m., looks like someone needs some sleeping pills. It’s hard to blog right now. I have found writing to be so therapeutic with all of the chaos going on in my life, but now I’ve almost placed a gag order on myself. Part of me doesn’t want to whine on and on and become what I thought to myself as “the depression diaries”, the other part (that loves run on sentences) knows I’m finally at a place where I will say too much. Honestly I think that “too much” needs to be said, but in a what I’ve learned reflective way. I in no way ever want to write anything that would hurt him intentionally, but I won’t hold back either and I am blatantly honest sometimes. It’s my life too and my story, I’ve grown and learned a lot over the last year. It’s also the testimony of my life and how God saw me through my darkest times.

So many mixed emotions right now. I want my ‘normal’ back, but then logic kicks in and I remember what ‘normal’ was. I lived on my own for ten years and now coming back home is a huge challenge. Some days I feel like I’m on the vacation from hell that never ends, living out of suitcases and never having any privacy. I’m probably still in some stage of grief. I have to keep myself busy and know that I am strong, and I will most definitely get through this. Picking up the pieces of my shattered life and moving on will be the hardest part, but I won’t look back.

In the meantime, I’ll keep using my Red Stamp app to make snarky break-up cards that only my BFF will ever see, and try to find something happy and upbeat to write about… thank you cards…

…or your wedding vows.


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