I recently read the book, ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man‘, by Steve Harvey. I’ll admit when I first saw Steve on the Ellen show I was very skeptical about the book. It really irritated me to think that some man, a comedian at that, would try and give women advice about how we should yet again cater to men and what they want. So I really had no plans to go actively looking for the book to read it. That changed when I happened to be at the very SMALL library extension here in town, and came across the book in the relationship section. I immediately grabbed the book and decided to see what Steve Harvey had to say.
First let me start with my favorite quote from the book:
“Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough.
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance. ”
My husband has always told me that men are simple, very uncomplicated, and they don’t like to sit around and talk about their feelings, which is funny that until I read this book I really didn’t believe it. A lot of the advice that Steve Harvey gives is advice I had already been told by either my husband or women who know the brain of a man. Steve says that men are very simple creatures and can only focus on one thing at a time.
Men are very concerned about their name and what they do, such as I am Steve Harvey and I am a comedian. To a man who they are and what they do is a top priority and until they get what they do in order they can never really focus on anything else including their families. That means they may love their families dearly but until their career is in the place they want it to be they will never be able to give their family the attention that they may want to give. I can see that, seeing as how men get very focused on one task unlike women who can multitask. This book also helped me to understand how a man shows his love to his woman. Men profess, provide, and protect, it’s just in their DNA. He will profess to the world that you are his woman and in front of his close family and friends will give you a title if he really cares for you.
“But remember what drives a man; real men do what they have to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed, housed, and reasonably sastisfied, and if they’re doing anything less than that, they’re not men.”
“Providing for the ones he loves and care about, whether it’s monetarily or with sweat equity, is part of a man’s DNA, and if he loves and cares for you, this man will provide for you all these things with no limits.”
The biggest thing in this book that struck me was when Steve Harvey talks about how men show their love. Men aren’t anything like women when it comes to showing love like in the above quote, but that doesn’t mean they don’t show it. A man will show his love by providing for you and doing things like painting the kitchen or climbing up a 10 foot ladder to put up that new crown molding you just desperately have to have. I mean love is an action verb anyway, right? I cried at this point in the book realizing all the ways over the years my own husband has shown his love to me and I didn’t even realize what he was doing! Tommy is a great husband and when we owned a house, numerous times if I had a problem with something he would step in and fix it. He put in recessed lighting so I could see better in the kitchen, he put laminate floors in our playroom when I griped about the carpet, he changed the faucets in the kitchen and bathrooms when I said they were ugly, and once I sent him out for vacuum cleaner bags and he came home with a new vacuum because he knew I hated the one we had and it was falling apart. That list really doesn’t even cover half the things he’s done for me and our family, and especially doesn’t include how Tommy has worked his a$$ off going to school and working like crazy to provide for our family! I truly appreciate all he has done. He’s my man, and I’m proud of him!
Men are also fixers and when you tell them you have a problem they give you ways to fix that problem unlike your girlfriend who will sit around and lament the problem with you and let you cry on her shoulder. A man will just give you a simple solution, even if you don’t want to hear it. Men also hate hearing, “We need to talk….”
“For a man, few words are as menacing as those four—especially when a woman is the one saying them and he’s on the receiving end. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk. Now, we understand that we’re not the essence of perfection and there are going to be times when you’re mad at us and need to let us know it; we get that, though we don’t necessarily want to have to concentrate on an hour-long angry lecture about how we screwed up. But even more? No man wants to sit around gabbing with you like we’re one of your girlfriends. Ever. It’s just not in our DNA to lounge around, sip coffee, and dab at our eyes with tissue as if we’re in an AA meeting or on some psychologist’s couch trying to get things off our chest. When men are talking, and especially when they’re listening, it’s with purpose.”
I really just enjoyed the first half of the book where Steve Harvey explains how men think and function. The rest of the book was good as well, but is more along the lines for women who are looking for a man. He tells about ways to respect yourself and how to know what a man is really after. If he’s fishing for a good time or if he’s really looking for a keeper.
“I’m sure that if woman laid out the rules- requirements- early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything-someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have- your benefits- are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he DESERVES them.
The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirments is the one you want to stick around, because tthat guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaing your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.”
“Newsflash: it’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fisher or a keeper-it’s you. (Don’t hate the player, hate the game.) When a man approaches you you’re the one with total control over the situation-whether he can talk to you, buy you a drink, dance with you, get your number, take you home, see you again, all of that. We certainly want these things from you; that’s why we talked to you in the first place. But it’s you who decides if you’re going to give us any of the things we want, and how, exactly, we’re going to get them. Where you stand in our eyes is dictated by YOUR control over the situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the next woman to do a little more sport fishing.”
I really think all women should read this book because there are so many good things to draw from it. In the end I realized that with any relationship you have to respect yourself, know what you want, and that you ultimately have the power on how people treat you.
In the end “Men respect standards–get some!”